
Here I am, writing a sentence: "I am starting to feel more confident." Knock wood. Duck and cover. Cower at my daring. I may get struck by lightning for saying something like that, but I'm going to type it otherwise I won't let myself even believe it.
Some blessings:
- Spoke to my boss on the phone yesterday, and he told me that they had arranged things so that I could be gone until the end of next year, should I so desire. If I *can* return to work before the baby is born, they'll love to have me. But they want me to put our health first. Sometimes I am simply amazed with all the grace that there is in this world.
nikkyb was over again last night and cooked dinner for B. and I. Again with the grace. I should be ashamed to ever call myself unlucky.
- Making fun of my own fear. This morning, I felt a hard spot a few inches above my belly button and I was sure that it was a contraction. This depressed me, since I generally don't get them in the morning. I've discovered that they respond to warmth, so I gave it a gentle little circular rub. Imagine my surprise when the contraction kicked my hand back. Not a contraction, a foot. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Also, it means that she's turned around again.
- Last night I had a dream that I was in a castle having dinner. Some guests arrived, and they rode their horses up the stairs. I felt validated since I had insisted this was the custom in the country. I did feel guiltily aware that not everyone lived in a castle, not even a brokedown one like this.
- Winter blooming flowers:

- B. has felt safe enough to get out of the house and do more with his friends. I'm so happy for him-- this has been as hard on him as it is on me. One of us needs to not be a shut in.
- Storm that swept in yesterday and turned the sky as black as night. I thought "tornado" when I saw the fell orange light all around the edges of the black. It was very beautiful. Later I read about the tornado in London.
I'm going to go for a little walk later today, and damn the rain.